to be or not to be

You know what's annoying about the internet. When you google about killing yourself it unanimously says you shouldn't do it. The only thing the internet says in unison. It makes you want to do it more. They say vague positive things to defer you. There are “solutions”. Pretty sure living is just a taxing, disapointing existence. You really think someone can offer a solution. 

Maybe I'm the problem. I have a low tolerance for unhappiness. I have all the boxes checked. I'm married. I have a kid. I don't work. Yet I hate my husband. I hate that he believes in me. In a fucked up way I want to prove him wroung. Like I'm just a piece of shit, and he must be too, if he picked me. Just two shits swirling into a toilet being flushed out of life. I don't really see myself working. What could I bring to the table, that some high energy teen couldn't do better. My life already feels over. At least if I die now, a decent amount of people will go to my funeral. Young people's funerals always have the best turnout.