When Thirsty Women Flirt With Your Man on LinkedIn

The following is an anthropological perspective on this growing trend, backed solely by anecdotal evidence from my boyfriend’s LinkedIn inbox. 

I don’t blame them, either. Just as quarantine season has started, so have their relentless approaches. I get it, though. Tinder has become the most primitive dating app, due to its popularity, and in that it shows people who haven’t been on in several weeks. Bumble has made it easy for men of average intelligence to passively have you make the first move. Coffee Meets Bagel only gives you five matches a day (who has time to wait a month to find your Romeo?!?!?). 

What if you’re a successful educated woman? Are you supposed to shift through the time trashcan of all these apps designed for the average procreator?!? Who among us hasn’t been turned on by a man's LinkedIn? To see the charities they volunteer for. To see how many languages they speak. Seeing that their boss says they have great follow through (Hello, talk about someone NOT afraid of commitment).

The caveman era consisted of trying to find some beefcake to protect you from being mauled by a wooly mammoth (I’ve always wanted to say that word in an article). Those days are over. Now we need someone who can pay for our Starbucks. Someone who can pretend to watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians, AND not be confused which sister is which. Someone who will honestly tell us that natural deodorants don’t work. Someone who can properly fix the router. 

What better way then LinkedIn to see how your dream man acts in society? You would never get an unsolicited dick pic from a LinkedIn account. It sets the tone, a respectful tone that can flourish into subtle flirting. Like in the olden days! 

I mean, what exactly is the point of having a profile picture for LinkedIn?!?!

* Mic Drop *