:(

I miss home. I miss having a home. I miss having something anchoring me down. I miss having a job. Having a normal life. Most of all I miss my cat. I'm basically one of those drug addict moms who gave their child up. Yes, it has a better life, but I should have been a better mother. We drove eight hours today, and it rained the entire time. The entire time! 

I'm now in the mood where I watch JCS crime videos on youtube. The only thing that makes me feel. The rest is numb. The grey sky blends in with the fog which blends in with the rain. My world is grey. Coffee doesn't do shit. I don't even shit. Plugged up in every way. 

I was in the great state of New York with a tiny diner, in a tiny town. Two girls huddled in a bathroom stall, throwing up, and maybe snorting coke. The waitresses are all blonde and the youngest maybe thirty, another in her fifties. Old waitresses make me sad. I think in some other universe that's me. Me if i had not been a gold digger. Me if i haven't been born in tustin. 

All I want is a kitten to snuggle, and a couch that has a designated spot for me. Maybe throw in a blanket.