Funerals to Unspoken Love

I woke up yesterday at 3am and drove to Arizona for a funeral. My job consists of me now waking up at 4:30. It's hard but I feel happy through the day waking up early. Or at least that's what I tell myself. Hard to tell what's real and what's me trying to make myself feel better. I think I lack self awareness. I don't blame myself though. I was told growing up that I'm “too sensitive”, and I easily molded. But back to the main event. The funeral was really nice. We littered balloons in the end. We wrote what we wanted to say to the guest of honor and it just floated away. Most of his family was what we would consider trailer trash. A sea of tattoos, colored hair,big waistlines and short stumpy legs. I felt unjudged which was ironic since I was doing all the judging. Once you lean into fully accepting all your foibles your happier, and judgmental bitches aren't. 

His life was dedicated to his family. Let his kids do whatever. They were spoiled and didn't really become productive adults. But they procreated and they all lived in his trailer. All three generations. Sounds cramped and cozy. I feel bad though. Born into a world surrounded by non action and you repeat the pattern. 

After the funeral i met a gay couple in the best place for all gay couples; Palm springs! What's fascinating is that they don't speak the same language. Two feet height difference. Both from different cultures. Yet they've been together for over ten years. My mind hasn't fully worked out how exactly it works.